melbourne

I think I managed to explode every stereotype of Melbourne in my first 10 minutes. Before I set out on my journey, all the Australians I met warned me the weather could be really crap, at any time of the year. I was told to bring a jumper and prepare for “four seasons in one day.”
But when I stepped of the ship I knew it was hot, really really hot. By midday, the temperature had reached 45.3 degrees. I was delighted, of course, as this is my absolute ideal temperature, but I was clearly in the minority. Despite all stereotypes of Australia being a hot country, the city proved utterly incapable of dealing with such heat. By early afternoon, the transport system had essentially ceased to function and a major power outage had forced many offices to close.
Those same Australians had described Melbourne as the “cultural capital” with “good shopping” and slightly more sophisticated people. Again, I must have a talent. I had three vulgar sex jokes before my tram arrived, and literally the first sign I saw in the city featured a huge map of Australia, with “fuck off, we’re full” written in the middle. The two kiwis with me were by this time nearly dying with peals of laughter, citing their former Prime Minister’s oft quoted statement that the large migration of Kiwis to Australia “raises the IQ of both countries.”
Oh, and the shopping was quite provincial and, well, rubbish.
Despite all of this, however, Melbourne did have its benefits. The flats, especially those near the harbour, were absolutely stunning, with a great combination of glass and local wood to create a feeling of endless openness, but without roasting in the heat. The downtown is incredibly clean and liveable with huge parks everywhere. The next day the temperature went back down to a cool 38 and the shops were all open again. Furthermore, the public transport was FREE, because the authorities wished to APOLOGIZE for their poor performance the day before. Hearing that, I thought I might faint. The local explaining it to me was very earnest, feeling that this was only right. And of course she was perfectly correct, but I doubt many other transport systems around the globe would be similarly moved in such conditions.