freedom

I finished my Phd. I can now call myself a doctor.
At one point during my Viva, I was sure I was sunk, that I wasn’t going to pass, that I was going to have to accept that I had spent 13 years of my life chasing an unrealizable dream. One of the examiners attacked with a battery of questions that all seemed aimed at exposing some sort of fraud. I fired back with answers that sounded more confident than I felt. After a two hour interrogation, they dismissed me to go downstairs to my supervisor’s office. She was waiting for me with a shot of rum, which was quickly followed by another. After what seemed like forever, the head of the commission came and called us both up to the examination room. Somehow, I had passed. They praised me as a “confident public speaker.” After giving the verdict, they then tried to make witty, intellectual conversation for about half an hour. I was dazed and could not participate at all. I sat and stared blankly at them. My supervisor answered for me, before hauling me off to her office for more rum…I then headed for the pub.
But I was dazed the whole time. I had trouble making coherent conversation, but because of the alcohol, but because I was in shock. And I still am. But as soon as I snap out of it, I will need to start planning …the rest of my life?