the view from behind the till

working in one of london, which i suppose means one of england's, major book shops, i get to meet a lot of famous writers. they come in to sign their books and give talks. some of them are really nice and some of them are utterly vile.
so here is some advice: if any of you ever become a famous writer, be nice to your booksellers. we are the people who decide where your book goes in the shop!!!! this might not seem important, but it is: the british reading public is pretty stupid, they buy what is put face out, in the front of shop, at eye level. this might seem absurd, but it is true. i have conducted experiments. if you take a book that is just filed under ordinary fiction A-Z, and bring it to the front of the shop, and put it face out so every one can see the cover, the sales will instantly go up by about 4 times. if you put on some sticker that says "3 for 2" or "3£ off" the sales will go up by about 5 times, and if you put a sticker proclaiming it book of the week, you will sell several hundred copies for sure.
and booksellers are only human, so if you come in an behave like and idiot, why are we going to want to put your book in a prime place????? it is simple: if you are an average range writer, and an ass, we wont promote your book, and it just wont sell.there was an incredibly obnoixous writer who came in last week to sign her book (which as far as i could tell, was about the troubles of women getting aid.....let her speak for herself!) she was rude to the whole staff, and treated us like serfs. she signed the books, left, and we promptly removed them from the front of shop table, banishing them to the section from where they wll sell one copy a week, at best. the reverse is also true. today, a young writer named Mike Stocks came in to sign his books. he was very nice and polite (ie: he queued liked a normal human being instead of pushing to the front shrieking that everyone should know who he is). he chatted with me politely, he asked me if i was a student, and what i studied. he even gave me a free copy of the book, signed in my name. when he left i moved his books to the front of the table. they should sell a bit more from there. i wish him the best, and i will read his book. if it is decent i will recomend it the next time a customer says "uh, i need one more book from the 3for2 table, what do you suggest?"
sometimes the writers dont come to sign, but just to enquire on sales. this is more rare, but it does happen. Michel Holman does this alot. he never even says he is the writer, but i recognise him by now. he is polite enough, so i am happy to provide him with the information. often the guys wo are not writing best sellers are more tolerable than the super stars, but that is not always the case. i had a writer of an average selling first novel come in the other day with his "PA" and behave like a self important twat, whereas donna leon (a massively successful crime writer) was perfectly pleasant, so there doenst seem to be a direct correlation between fame and success. or maybe there is: the nicer you are to your booksellers, the more inclined we will be to promote you and the more successdul you will be!